Washington Post Now Washington Enquirer

May 11, 2012

Marcus Brauchli, executive editor of the Washington Post, announced today that the newpaper’s name will changed to the Washington Enquirer for the remainder of the 2012 election season.

“Our goal is to provide our readers with the most salacious election coverage in the country. Today’s hatchet job on Mitt Romney’s prep school days is just the beginning.”

At the same time Brauchli announced that Jayson Blair has been hired as deputy news editor and Sari Horowitz has been promoted to national election assignment editor.

Blair was fired by the New York Times in 2003 for plagiarism and news fabrication. Horwtiz plagiarized two paragraphs from the Arizona Republic story about Jared Loughner the man who killed six people and severely wounded former Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.

Blair thanked Brauchli for the opportunity to resume his career. “I mean to prove that I can make up facts with the best of the Post’s current writers,” he stated.

“We have more stories like today’s attack on Romney waiting for the right moment to publish,” Horwitz stated. “We do anything we can to discredit him since there’s little we can say that our readers will believe about Barack Obama’s presidency.”


Small Business Owners Unite

August 9, 2009

It seems almost every day that I hear from a new group of small business owners. Last week I received phone call from the NYS Florist Store Owners Association. They’ve found sponsors for a bill that would restrict the sale of fresh flowers to licensed florists.

“The supermarkets are putting us out of business by selling bargain basement arrangements imported from China,” stated Rose Carnation, president of the FSOA.

That’s a shame I replied.

“Further,” Ms. Carnation stated, “they’re endangering the general public.”

How’s that I asked?

“The clerks in supermarkets don’t know a thing about fresh flowers,” she replied. “I’ve seen some supermarket flowers with bugs in them. They could be spreading malaria for all we know.”

The next day I heard from the Artificial Flower Manufacturers Association (AFMA). Their president Bud Plastic said his group plans to introduce legislation to prohibit the sale of fresh flowers period.

“Artificial flowers are not only safer than fresh,” Mr. Plastic told me, “but think of all the jobs that would be created in New York if people would just stop buying fresh flowers.”

Hold on. There’s a fax coming in. It’s from the Hard Cider Bottlers Association (HCBA). They are objecting to the sale of beverages in cans. It seems they’ve formed an alliance with the Glass Bottle Blowers Association and the Environmental Highway Cleanup Association in favor of their proposed legislation.

“Sixty percent of our members voted in favor of joining the HCBA on this issue,” stated Hardly Can Bendover, president of the EHCA. “Beverages in cans are harder for highway cleaner-uppers to pick up than bottles.”

HCBA president Red Apple said his association is concerned about the danger cans impose to young people’s fingers. “We’re holding a press conference on Monday with the Emergency Room Finger Sewers Association (ERFSA) with photos of fingers that required extensive sewing after they tried to open a soda can,” Mr. Apple states.

That’s one press conference I think I’ll skip, but aren’t we lucky in New York to have all those associations laboring diligently on behalf of their members! They help grease the wheels of government. This year the Legislature can be in favor of fresh flowers, which of course will increase donations from the state’s flower growers, distributors and storeowners. Next year it’ll be the artificial flower manufacturers association’s turn.

But, you may ask, what about the general public – the consumers and taxpayers: Who lobbies for them in Albany? Good question, my friends. That’s a really good question.